How to be Assertive but Not Aggressive

How to be Assertive but Not Aggressive

There is an obvious difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness, although in some ways these two terms may be related to each other. Assertiveness is standing up for yourself and your rights without being taken advantage of. Being assertive involves respecting personal rights and that of other people when communicating what you want. Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is standing up for yourself to a point that would step on the rights of others. That is why an aggressive behavior is characterized by harsh means of communicating what you want to others involving sarcasm, blaming, personal demands, threats, and even physical contact.

You do not have to be hostile in getting what you want or making something happen. Just be assertive and calmly deal with the situation.

Be Clear and Calm

Sometimes, being assertive is misinterpreted as being rude. But this is not entirely true. A person who asserts himself normally raises the voice volume to emphasize a certain point, but not to the point of sounding argumentative. You can tell when someone wants to start an argument if that person tries making disputes that would trigger you to fight back.

In order not to be thought of as an aggressive one, take control of your voice and manner of delivery so as the other party will not take it as an attack from you.

Be Flexible

If there is something that you need or want from others, you cannot just be demanding in your approach. Do not selfish in a way that you only consider how it will benefit you but not to the person you are getting demands from. This is an aggressive attitude. Consider the needs of the other party before stressing your own needs because in assertiveness, there is respect involved in the process.

Flexibility in assertiveness also means not getting back at the person just because your desires were not granted. Then again, you are to consider how you can both benefit from something without embedding harm at each other. You want to end a conversation in a friendly manner. So, learn how to adjust your assertive manners.

Watch Your Emotions

One way to be assertive without having to be aggressive is to be in control of your emotions. Never lose consciousness of your feelings at the moment when seeking something from someone or when asserting a certain thought. If you notice that you are slowly getting out of balance with your emotions, you would rather back out or temporarily end a conversation before it gets heated.

Remember, you can always make a good attempt to be assertive in a good way, but factors such as a person’s reaction or manner may trigger you to become aggressive in the long run. Keep a calm exchange of communication and be mindful of a possible shifting of emotions.

You can choose to be assertive without having being aggressive if you only teach yourself the right way to do it. Keep in mind that assertiveness aims for a respectful exchange of conversation while conveying what you want to the other party.